the past part 2

So starting in the ninth grade I started to make my own friends and finding out who I was and where I fit in. I started dating. First it was my friend Jonathon who was the same age as me and we figured out that we were better as just friends really fast and he is into kink which is awesome.(We will get to that later promise.) The next guy I dated was named John and he was two years older then me. The only time we got to see each other was at school. Till I decided to go to his house after school one day because no one was going to be home at mine but my brother anyways. Well that made my parents hate him even more then they already did. They told me that I had to break up with him which of course I didn't. My dad decided to make us walk to school one day and one of my friends that happened to be who he rode to school with picked me up unknown to me my dad had followed us to see if I met up with John. I was then told that I was not allowed to get rides to school with friends. I said well if you don't want me to ride with them then you have to give me a ride. That was about the time my parents and I got into a fight and it was my first trip to a kind of half way house for troubled teens ( called turning point) because they said I tried to run away.

I sent a week in there which was actually better then home. I got to watch TV and interact with other kids my age. It sucked because I didn't get to see my friends. I liked the school better because I could work at my own pace which meant I i didn't have to wait to learn new things like at school. The staff didn't understand why I was there and loved having me. But my parents figured out that I liked it there so they decided to take me home. The counselor there did tell them that I should be allowed to get a job or they were going to end up having more problems with me. Which was a blessing because they actually listened and I got my first job.

I worked in a daycare not far from my school or home which meant I didn't have to watch my brother so much. I had to put at least half my check in savings but then I could use the rest to but whatever I wanted which was a TV then a stereo. I finally could start to buy what I liked instead of what my parents thought I could have.

I have to put in here that even though I was dating John I never let my grades slip or skipped school or anything like that. In fact my grades got better well dating him and I made student of the month. (Even though my parents wanted to argue that I was going to let my grades slip.

That summer I was still dating John even though my parents disapproved.I think that was the main reason that I stayed with him even when I found out he had cheated on me.( I also blame this on my polyamory because of me thinking oh will he has needs and I can't fix them but she can so good for him.) I snuck out mornings to go see him and my parents thought I was at work if they came home and I wasn't there. because they left at 6 am. Which I would be out the door right after them. and wouldn't come back till 10 am or so and by then I was at work most of the time. And just for the record I never had sex with him well we dated in high school.

In the end of July beginning of august my parents had one of the trips again but Romans parents couldn't watch us for the time they were gone. So instead of cancelling there trip they did a surprising thing. They let me stay with my friend Diana who was not from church and didn't go to church and my brother stayed with one of his school friends.

That was when I saw how a normal family worked. I didn't even have to hide seeing John. Even though my parents told them not to let me see him. They said that I should be able to see who I wanted and they trusted my decision making.

things went ok till the beginning of November. My parents got into a disagreement and they left and I stayed home outside.  I went into the entry of my dads shop when it got dark so I could read. When they got home they didn't even look for me and called the cops saying I ran away. When the cops came I went inside. I told them where I was and the cop didn't like my attitude which I will admit was not great. The put me in JDC ( juvenile detention center). I was there for three weeks and then the day before thanksgiving I got moved to turning point again. My parents fought me getting moved but it didn't work.

I was there about a week and then the day I was supposed to have court I got pulled aside and told my mom had a heart attack. I felt so guilty. But then I thought it over in my head and went over how many times her doctor had warned her about her high cholesterol and blood pressure and that I really hadn't done anything wrong so I wouldn't allow myself to feel guilty.

My sister Kristy came and got me told me I was coming to live with her and her husband. ( i will mention that he was just getting out of rehab for the third time in his life.) She would have come sooner but no one had told her what was going on.( that's the family don't ask don't tell just act happy). The lived in Mn about 4 hours away so that ended me and John.

Well I lived with her she decided that since I was there for the kids she didn't have to be so if I wasn't at school or work I had the girls one of who was born while I was there. I got depressed about a year into it and thought about suicide. My sister read one of my journals where I had wrote that I had tried to do it but couldn't. I never actually did that I wrote it for two reasons one to see if she was snuping and two because i was thinking about doing it and thought if I wrote it done that it would help it did. So that got me out of a week of school well I got put on meds and everything.

MY grades had slipped serverly because of having to be a parent and student plus work part time. And when I saw my mom see told me everything happens for a reason and I was meant to be at my sister for the girls.( I know its fucked up.)

About two weeks after the suicide thing my sister told me that my real mom had passed away. She had been in the hospital for a while before that but my parents didn't want me to know. But because of the whole suicide thing they thought that I should get to decide if I wanted to go to the funeral. Which is where I counected with my sister Jodi and brother Micah again.

I got my eye brow prieced by a friend of Kristys that worked in a tattoo shop. She said if I wanted it I could have it I just was the one who had to tell my parents about it. Then the next week before I even had a chance to talk to them she told my mom that I just came home with it one day and she didn't know anything about it.

So I kept in touch with Jodi and talked to her alot. She even started to send me birthday gifts.

My Senior year was off to a great start because I was actually going to the comunity college instead of the high school and they were paying for everything. It was great about the second week in I got a new boyfriend named Jamie. He again was a couple of years older then I was but it was great. I had sex with him right before my 18th birthday. I had stopped taking my depression meds because they made me just blank and not be able to think and Kristy didn't even notice for 4 months. Jamie met my parents at thanksgiving when he went with us for a visit and my parents actually liked him. I think a big parent of that was that he was in the reserves.


In the spring Kristy started cheating on Jason and I was her cover. Shortly after that we went home for a visit and her and I got in a fight. I called Jodi to come get me and take me to a friends since she had to work.
Kristy left town with out me lying to my parents saying that Jodi was going to take me up the next day.

I ended up staying with Jodi. We went and got some of my stuff and Jamie came for a visit. I broke it off with him. (He wanted to get married and I knew he was not the one for me.)

I ended up being me for the summer having friends and parting. I had to go back to high school for a semester because of everything but I was ok with it. I had never got to be loose with no real rules but what I set. I then met Cory and that was the end to my dating for a long time.

School went well I only had to go for a half day and then I worked in the evenings. Micah came and stayed with us even a few times. I even had Fun on my Birthday for the first time I had friends and drinking.

At the beginning of november I started getting sick. I went to the er a few nights a week in serve pain. I finally got sent Mayo where I was dioginosed with Congential Hypatic Fibrosis. It means that my liver was turning it self into scar tissue. I also had an enlarged liver and spleen because of it.

Cory was great he stayed with me through everything. ?He proposed on New Years 2004/2005 and we set a date for augest 12th 2005. I then went dress shopping and found a dress that my parents instisted on paying for and the vail which I tried to talk them out of.

Cory's mom Kathy had hated me since they day we met and was always trying to brake us up. Even after I had moved in and everything. But When she found out that he was proposing and that I was going to be perminite she decided to give me a chance and we became the best of friends.

I then got pregnant. I found out in March and was due in Nov. I cancelled the wedding which my parents were not happy about and went to as far as to say that Cory was going to run. I laughed and said he hasn't run yet why would he now.

Kathy taught me how to knitted things for the baby and chorect. I was on bed rest after 6 months because of preterm labor and the execting health problems. Everyone kept telling me that as long as I was fine the baby would be fine. They lied. My daughter Rose was still born at 38 weeks, on Nov.9th. That is a pain that I will not wish on anyone.

The good thing is that I had someone one who know the loss of a child to help me. Kathy had lost a son at 2months so this stranthed our bond.

Micah lived with Cory and I off and on since he had turned 18 so he was my kid which it helped. I went with him to all his medical appointments He had the same liver disease that I have. he had a liver transplant right before he turn 21. I lived in Omaha for 3months with him.

In 2008 I got my disability aproved after 3 years of fighting with them. I was getting a big back payment so we decide to have our wedding.

I told my parents about it and they said that I should just go to the court house and not have a reception. They felt that since we had been together so long that we didn;t need a wedding and I told them that they hadn't thought I deserved a wedding since I defide them at 16. Kathy over heard how my parents had talked to me and she wrote them a letter. Which got turned into I made her do it. ( Showing they didn't know her at all because she was one person that you can't make do anything.)And they stopped talking to me.

I talked to them once more before the wedding to see if they were going to come and they informed me that the had a trip scheduled for that time.

And that is how I was shunned from the family.

Cory and I split in 2010 after he had a bike accident with head trama that made him want to fight all the time.

That is when I found KINK.

Till next time.